You're not supposed to sell R18 videos (porn, basically) in any other way apart from a licensed sex shop. A web browse or a look through the pages of various magazines, including the free gay press, will reveal that that's a condition that's not been listened to much.

So last year, when two firms were convicted of breaches of the Video Recordings Act 1984 for selling by post, they appealed. It's taken a while for the judgement to be published – the appeal hearing was three months ago, but the judgement only came through yesterday.

But the verdict is clear: for UK suppliers, even sending a catalogue of R18 videos is enough to get you fined – the act of offering to supply is just as naughty as actually doing so.

Similarly, loaning a copy of your R18 video to someone else is covered: "'Supply' means supply in any manner, whether or not for reward, and, therefore, includes supply by way of sale, letting on hire, exchange or loan…"

One of the arguments is that this will mean the business goes to suppliers in the Netherlands and elsewhere, and unless HM Customs and Revenue change their policies, this will undoubtedly happen. I'm tempted to try ringing our local sex shop (a branch of CloneZone) and seeing if they'll post me something.

And there are two firms who no doubt wish they'd checked the address they were being asked to send videos to against a list of trading standards offices…

Microsoft – who have never ever stolen anyone else's ideas honest, no really – are sponsoring a film competition on the subject of intellectual property theft.

Films should be 30-45 seconds long, which is useful, because "You must not use any existing copyright works in your film including music, songs or existing film clips. You must not use any third party trademarks or other third party intellectual property rights in your film."

The entry form includes the absolutely classic clause:

"I will formally licence on terms acceptable to Microsoft, all intellectual property rights in my film and agree to waive all moral rights in relation to my film if requested to do so."

Or.. "you can do what you like with it, even if I object, and/or not give me any credit."

OK, draft one:

Pot and Kettle. Scene One.
Int Office. 1980.

Bill: Oh, if only we had an operating system… We could licence it to I've Been Mismanaged and then to every one else. We'd make billions!

Minion: I know, your Billness, why don't we buy this Quick and Dirty OS which rips off the current most successful microcomputer OS so completely that the quote author unquote doesn't know why all strings to be printed are terminated with a dollar character.

Bill: Dollars, dollars, why do they tempt me so?

Minion: He'd accept just 50,000 of them for all rights.

Bill: It would be wrong in so many ways. We'd probably end up doing all sorts of illegal things to crush the company whose intellectual property we were ripping off to keep our consumer and business-harming monopoly…

… Let's do it!!!

Fade.

Scene two. Int Office. A few years later.

Bill: Oh, if only we had a graphical user interface…

We want to email a few hundred people every month. Until now, that's been done by adding the names to the email program's address book and sticking the lot of them in the BCC line (because unlike say the BBC, we hide everyone's address from everyone else).

This is obviously not the best way to do it, not least because we're being dragged kicking and screaming into having to use Outlook soon (mind you, it's been 'very soon' since last July!)

So, it was off to google and hotscripts to find a free mailing list manager, preferably in PHP, with a web interface.

I don't mind it needing MySQL, but I do mind having to recompile it to use a different file format. I also mind having to turn off the register_globals protection because it's an old script. The admin must be able to add people without getting them to confirm, but no-one else should be able to do so (ie double opt-in). Emails have to be able to be sent in plain text and we must have control over the header and footer (no ads we can't delete!)

Tried and rejected

As a sticker on the underground said, that's about your lifetime's supply of democracy.

Voting for me means a trip to Harrow West.

"That was quick" said the presiding officer, as I put the ballot paper in the box.

In part, it was because this time there were rather fewer marks to make – last time there was the London Assembly election with a form of PR, the mayoral election with a form of alternate vote and the European Parliamentary elections with a third voting system.

And in part, it was because I didn't want to think too hard about voting for the SoggyLibDem Chris Noyce, AKA uber wally.

Had Danny Finkelstein been standing for the Tories again, I'd have voted Labour, because I expect to wake up tomorrow to discover that the Tories have beaten Labour there and almost anyone would be better than Danny.

Oh the joys of trying to get the result you want with first past the post (or first to the post, according to the Now Show's comment on postal voting frauds…)

[02:54] snuggle_girl1212: hi…. anyone there?
[02:54] *** Auto-response sent to snuggle_girl1212: I am currently away from the computer.
[02:54] snuggle_girl1212: oh your there ::) hi…
[02:54] snuggle_girl1212: a/s//l (age sex location)?
[02:55] snuggle_girl1212: im 27/f/USA. was lookiin at your profile. thought you might like to chat.
[02:55] snuggle_girl1212: so what have you been up to [my yahoo account]?
[02:57] snuggle_girl1212: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. ii was getting kinda horny 🙂 (*blushes)
[02:57] snuggle_girl1212: feel like a little cyber funn with me ? please please…