Want 15 minutes of fame and can't think how? Why not do what's worked in the past again again, but not recently?

1. Announce you've discovered that putting microphones in the ears of a model head produces a really lifelike 3D effect in the resulting recording. Discovered before electronics (the first person used tubes from the model head to his own ears!) and 'discovered' about once a decade ever since
2. Do a shock horror programme based on being able to read PC screens remotely by receiving the radiated signals. Sticking a receiver outside a financial or government institution is good as a starting point. We're well overdue for this one to come around again – for some reason, people are still reluctant to pay piles of thousands for 'TEMPEST' shielding
3. Base a pop career on Burundi beats, a pretty lead singer and very little else. See Adam & The Ants or Bow Wow Wow

And today's Sun has…

Mr T Henry ("a player of Association Football, m'lud") saying that he thinks bullying is wrong.

Nothing else, at least in the online edition. I'll try to check a printed version later.

Mind you, the DFES website is stunningly quiet about the 'Stand Up for Us' anti-homophobic bullying guidance that's supposed to be launched today.

Looking for Stephen's non-constituency matter contact details, I see from the DFES website that

On Tuesday 23 November, Stephen Twigg will also be launching new guidance, Stand Up for Us, which will be made available to schools. Stand Up for Us sets out a practical approach for schools to quickly assess the scale of homophobic bullying they face.

Hmm, so it's possible that the issue of homophobic bullying was being 'postponed' to tomorrow as part of that launch.

Let's see what The Sun carries about it, because omitting it from today's list still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.

They've done a major article and 'The Sun Says' on bullying (they're against it) including a piece by Stephen Twigg, schools minister.

Part of the article includes the 'why' box:

KIDS are bullied for a whole variety of reasons which stop them “fitting in”. Here are some of the main categories which can lead to taunts and violence:

Any kind of DISFIGUREMENT of the skin or face such as birth marks, eczema, severe acne, prominent moles or hare lips.

Having an odd BODY SHAPE, such as being too fat, skinny, short or tall. Dodgy HAIRCUTS, especially old-fashioned styles, ginger hair, headlice and loss of hair because of illness.

Any SPEECH peculiarity such as a stutter, stammer or markedly different accent.

A MEDICAL condition such as asthma or short-sightedness. Kids wearing thick glasses, a brace on their teeth or orthopaedic shoes may be seen as weak.

Children from ETHNIC MINORITIES, foreigners or refugees may be picked on, especially if the school has few other kids from different backgrounds.

The wrong type or make of CLOTHES, particularly trainers, and ill-fitting, second-hand uniform. A lack of talent at SPORT, especially football, and a liking for “geeky” or “sissy” hobbies.

Anything unusual in the FAMILY BACKGROUND, for example if the parents are very poor, can lead to victimisation.

Note the omission of sexual orientation?

Particularly odd given that Stephen's gay.

(Was at http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004541372,,00.html but pages aren't kept for very long.)

The Marines' Hymn, 2004 version

From the Halls of Montezuma
To the mosques of old Iraq
Us Marines are so much better
At killing men who can't shoot back
It's easy if they're wounded
Like shooting a sitting duck
The line 'Keep our honor clean'?
We say: who gives a fuck!

should you kiss goodbye to your inflatable sheep sex toy?

Perhaps I should rephrase that… 🙂

Presumably they're also offended by dolphin shaped dildos too, and let's not get into the ones shaped like animal penises…

I had a letter from Parcelforce at work yesterday. It was from Kevin King, who is apparently my local Parcelforce Worldwide Sales Executive, telling me how in the past two years, they have completely revamped their company and invested in the latest leading-edge technology and software which has dramatically changed the service they offer!

Oooh.

And what's more, if we open an account with them they'll deliver my first parcel absolutely free!

Oooh.

One catch though: the account must be opened and the first parcel sent by 30th October…

Oh. For a second there, I was expecting their service to have, you know, improved, because I didn't believe it was possible for it to have got dramatically worse… but evidently it is.