It has taken me two weeks of calling to get any figures for the phone tarrif work are supposed to be on with Cable & Wireless.

Today, I have been definitively told the prices we're meant to be paying. Hooray.

Unfortunately, I have been told two different prices by two different people, but they both assure me that they are right.

Unfortunately, again, what we are actually being charged according to the bills is rather more expensive than either of them.

It does not help that one of the droids reckons that we've been switched from one tarrif to another without anyone telling a) the billing people and b) us.

Or that the other one could talk happily about prices for direct and indirect local calls, but when asked what these actually are said, "Well, a direct call is when you call a customer directly and an indirect call is erm, well, erm, I'll get back to you on that one."

An indirect call is not, apparently, an 0845 call. For which we should be charged 2.4p+VAT a minute. No, 2.5p+VAT. "So why is a 59 second call billed to us at 3.2p+VAT and a 58 second one at 3.1p+VAT?" "Erm, well, erm, I'll get back to you on that one."

BT might be – might be?!? are! – greedy scum with a predeliction for confusion pricing (e.g. having deliberately having so many tarrifs, it's difficult to see which is the best for you, or concealling what it is you're being charged for by combining several items into one line of the bill – it turned out we were paying over £16+VAT a quarter to hire a crappy answerphone!) but at least they do publish a definitive price list on their website. Mind you, it's not the most friendly format in the world, if you want to download the lot, but it is there.

C&W's site doesn't know anything about either tarrif we're said to be on. Anywhere. Prices for anything? Ha.

I'm waiting for a reason as to why we should stay with them.