In my three previous visits to Chessington this season, the 'new' Vampire ride was either not open yet or broken down.

So it was with some optimism that I set out a couple of Fridays ago to the park with the intention of riding it.

Oh good, it's open. What's that queue indicator say? 45 minutes?!? Surely there aren't enough people here today? A quick look at the hidden-away queue… hmm, yes it probably is that long.

Oh well, let's do everything else, then come back. Everyone who went straight onto Vampire will be off it and the queue will be shorter.

So I did that – minimal queues on everything else, The Way Theme Park Life Should Be – but… still a 45 minute queue on Vampire.

Oh ghod, I suppose I'll do the queue.

So I did.

After 45 minutes, I'm in the much lighter than before loading area. It looked better before. The much heralded upgrade of the ride translates as changing from suspended coffin-shaped ride cars to the now-standard suspended, feet dangling in the air style.

Get on at the back… off we go. Up down up down, through a small tunnel that's really more of a bridge, up down… is that it?

You wobble from side to side a bit (as ever on a suspended coaster) and you get close to some trees etc (too close if you have long legs apparently) but it's like Air turned out to be – slow, short at around 45s and disappointing.

One to encourage other people to go on, so the queues are shorter elsewhere, I think.

1.5/5