Tour de Sarf London

So there's this security alert going on near Stockwell – someone's left a burger box on a bus, probably – and there's road closures and diversions and three policemen have spotted something in a bag by the side of the road.

You can tell they're a bit concerned, talking into their radios, wondering if that really is the smell of hair dye and is that bump a mobile phone.

Then along come the bin men who walk past the police and chuck it into the back of the dustbin lorry. It's bin day for that bit of Lambeth…

"Tosser!"

… which, I should explain to colonial friends, is British English for "you're faster than me, and I don't like it!" (*)

Or in other words, I am enjoying the recumbent.

Near home is Peckham Rye which, as far as the commute is concerned, is a long hill.

Going to work, I can now break the 30mph speed limit.

Coming back, it's not so nice, but not horrible either. I used to go down it at about 25mph and up it at about 13mph. The difference is larger now 🙂

As I approached it on Wednesday, slowing down because the lights at the bottom are red, someone on a nice mountain bike passes me. He stops at the lights.

When they change, he's a bit slow off, and I pass him. Not in a cutting-em-up way, I leave him plenty of room, but I'm faster away.

He says something I don't hear, and passes me after about 50m.

He's going quite quickly up the hill – it is a nice bike and he's using it properly. But he doesn't lose me, even though 'bents are not renowned as climbers (eg you can't 'honk', get out of the saddle if the going gets tough). As we get near the top, I pass him again. He says something again.

Downhill the other side (shorter), he's no chance and if he was sensible, he wouldn't even have tried. I've stopped at JoJo's nursery, climbed off the bike, and wheeled it along the pavement before he goes past, yelling "tosser" at me. I just laugh back, loudly and pointedly.

Being able to do that is one of the reasons I got the thing.

It's an Orbit Crystal, a licensed version of the Ross Speed King. The frame number of 6477 is an indication of one of the problems with 'bents: they don't sell very many, so they're not cheap. And because they're not cheap, they don't sell so many.

I had thought I'd be able to ride it home when I got it. Erm, no. I couldn't get it going and ended up seriously sweating.

It took me about four half-hour sessions on the wide paths in the cemetery near work before I'm comfortable riding it on the roads. The actual riding is easy: it's the starts that feel odd to someone intimately familiar with riding an upright. It's a case of practising. I'm still not perfect, but I'm getting better.

(There is a difference in riding – on an upright, the weight of your legs helps push down the pedals. When on a 'bent, you have to support that weight. It's not difficult.)

The first long ride was two Fridays ago, the 9 1/2 miles from work to home. Bit sweaty, not from the effort, but from a couple of 'uh oh' moments.

Last week, I used it for the commute every day. It soon became clear that although the previous owner was the same height as me, the set up wasn't right: the pedals were about an inch too close to my bum. Just as with an upright, this results in upper knee ache and loss of pedalling power.

I wasn't terribly surprised as there were a couple of other minor problems, like the front chainset having its 'stops' set so that you couldn't use the largest gears. A few seconds with a screwdriver fixed that, but extending the pedals by one inch meant extending the chain by two.

The bike shop local to work said they could do that on the spot if I dropped in, but couldn't when I called in ten minutes later.

I hoped to do it at the bike shop near home, the very lovely people at Compton Cycles, on the Friday, but a delivery person messed us around and there wasn't time. So I did it this Monday, and I definitely notice the difference.

It'd be very hard to go back to riding uprights. There's a comment on the UK cycling newsgroup that the thing one person gets off his 'bent and onto a mountain bike for is a good cardiovascular workout.

Or, in other words, riding a 'bent is easy work. Because you're lying back, there's much less effort pushing the air out of the way.

You can either go as fast as you could on an upright for less effort, or go faster.

At the moment, I'm doing the former, partly because I'm still not quite confident to use the 'bents toe clips.

I never panted when cycling usually, but now my breath rate doesn't increase. I breathe slightly deeper, that's all. Similarly, I'm barely sweaty on arrival.

I'll have to try the cycle computer I bought (but didn't get round to installing) at Easter which has a heart rate monitor, and try it on both bikes.

(*) Not really, it's a disrespectful word for someone who masturbates, but I'm entirely comfortable with having people know I do that…

Positive and negative inflation

I'm watching a series called The Shape of Things That Hum, on the history of various synths. After the MiniMoog, Vocoder and Yamaha DX-7, they're doing the Fairlight.

Everyone interviewed – people like Vince Clarke, Rick Wakeman and Nick Rhodes – said they were expensive, but no-one's said just how expensive.

Well, it was over £20,000. In early 1980s money. You could've bought a house in London with that.

Somewhere I've got a copy of a computing magazine from the time, between the first Frankies singles and the first album, where someone from their record company ZTT says that no-one will be able to make good records at home, because no-one except rich people like them can afford a Fairlight.

Now, the cheapest sound card you can get is more powerful. And the house would be worth at least £250k.

It's normally baratron who posts this sort of thing…

'Simply Delicious' do an organic mustard. They've recently changed it.

Before: label says "Made without compromise" and the mustard has cider vinegar in. It's fabulous.

Now: label no longer says that and… they've replaced some of the cider vinegar with spirit vinegar. A compromise, in short, 'cos the result isn't nearly as good.

If you see any of the old stuff around, grab it.

They want £3.5k + VAT for the course

And that's the discounted price for "The 5 day MBA! – Developing the High Performance Manager".

Day three is "Business viability and financial strength". At the bottom of the list of the exciting and dynamic things they'll talk about is…

NB please bring a calculator to use on this day

I wonder what's worse: that they expect the attendees…

  • won't be able to do a few sums in their head / on paper
  • don't have a PDA to take notes / a calculator anyway
  • who are giving them three and a half grand each will be happy not to be supplied with a £1 calculator with the company's logo on as part of the course fees

G8 near my father's childhood home

After my grandfather was transferred from India to the UK in the 1930s, they lived in Auchterarder, so my father spent most of his childhood there. When my grandfather left the army, a few years later, he changed from being a Regimental Sergeant Major (i.e. able to order about any of the non-officers and go 'are you sure' to the officers) to a junior groundsman at Gleneagles itself, being told how to cut the grass on the golf courses' greens…

Both of my paternal grandparents are buried there, and my father and most of his siblings recently scattered the ashes of the first of them to die on the local mountain, Craig Rossie.

Half of all advertising spend is wasted

Someone called round, asking for details about this weekend's London Pride.

So I looked at a copy of QX which has the details, and was able to tell them things like where and when.

Opposite is a full page ad from Brighton Pride. Quite a lot of text, but… none of it tells me when the sodding thing actually is!?!