… by not watching the Queen Mother's funeral:

(courtesy of the BBC, ITN, Sky News and CNN).

1.) "The people in the amassed crowds have come from all over the world. I was speaking – just this morning – to one woman who'd flown over from Western Ireland two days ago. She said she needed to pay her respects to the Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother; who, as you know, wasn't Irish."

2.) "And of course, Tom, she had a great sense of humour. Prince William spoke, the other day, of the time when his great grandmother amused dinner guests by complimenting the Queen on the dinner and ending with the word Respec', made famous by Ali G. Respec' is a shortened way of saying Respect."

3.) "And there you can see, being pulled by six black horses, the gun carriage that will carry the coffin of the Queen Mother as it journeys to Westminster Abbey. As you can see, it's empty at the moment. That's because the coffin isn't on it."

4.) "…and you can hear an official making a statement, over the loudspeaker, asking everyone in the Abbey to turn off any mobile phones or pagers." (said just after the statement booms out so loudly that even the deaf viewers have to avert their eyes).

5.) "…and the public have all braved this bitterly cold night. Even though three people were taken to hospital with hypothermia, the rest have not been put off." Was he expecting the one million others to say en masse: "Shit! Three of us got hypothermia. We'd better not risk it…"?

6.) "And you can see the King of Norway there. He's the monarch of Norway."

7.) "…the organist there, playing a piece by Bach. Of course, that's the organist's role – to play the organ."

8.) "And so the funeral procession heads out of London, through streets quite full with traffic. Of course, that's because this funeral has taken place on a Tuesday – which is very much treated as a day of the week, here in London."

9.) "The Duke of Kent, there, carries his Field Marshal's baton, which denotes his status as a Field Marshal."

10.) Anne – "So, Tom, I understand that the Royal Family will be sitting in a part of the Abbey called the 'Lantern'. For the benefit of our viewers in the United States, can you just explain the special historical significance of that part of the Abbey?"

Tom – "Yes, of course, Anne. The 'Lantern', as you say, is a place of very special historical significance – particularly today, because that's where the Royal Family will be sitting."