As well as their paper directories, they're dead keen on selling internet advertising.

Apparently, they can GUARANTEE #1 placing on google.

The first sales droid wasn't too clear on how they'd do that, and never did fax over the exciting information promised.

But this afternoon's one – she's about the third in the past couple of weeks – did eventually fess up that they're talking about AdWords, although they don't call it that, rather than genuine listings.

I demonstrated to her that we're already #1 on the genuine listings for both our current (having edged out a site devoted to forthcoming theme park ride – 'Secret Weapon 5' – anyone apart from H-L know what that's more famous as without googling it?) and past names, and said that in any case we had zero interest in paying Thomson any money…

"Well, I'll give you another call in eighteen months, and you'll wish you'd paid us then!"